I recently fell victim to a very nasty computer virus. After a lengthy struggle, I was forced to delete my operating system and start all over again. The scary thing was that the virus came from a program that had checked out clean with my antivirus program. I had a lot of programs installed on this computer, and it’s taken time to come back online. No important documents, music, or pictures were lost, though, since I keep them on separate drives that did not have to be reformatted. It’s just a big pain in the butt. Oh well. Stuff happens. Especially to me.
All Hail the King of Phones
My humble Motorola V-188 phone, which I bought for $20.00 on eBay after crushing a similar model, underwent a hideous ordeal the other day. After working on the stupid car (of course), I left Mr. V-188 in the pocket of my Dickies mechanic-onesie. I proceeded to wash and dry the mech-onesie. Only after drying for 30 minutes and hearing a bit of rattling around did my horrid mistake dawn on me. I rushed downstairs, unzipped the pocket, and dragged out a phone so waterlogged that water was gurgling around inside the screen. Tenderly, I laid it down on a towel near the heating vent, my head bowed in silent remorse.
After half a day I dared plug the phone into the charger. Fifteen minutes later, I turned on the power. Miraculously, the screen lit with a heavenly glow! My little friend booted up as though nothing had happened. Imagine my astonishment, dear readers. I’ve had a few flash drives endure the same torture, and they now lie buried in a neat little row, their caps facing the SanDisk headquarters in Milpitas, California.
To commemorate my great fortune, I turned to the finest craftsmen of Europe and commissioned a monumental stained glass window, which will soon join its peers at the Cathedral of Chartres.
All hail Motorolus Rex, the King of Phones!
Can You Identify The Mystery Object?
Well, can you? The first person to identify this enigmatic cubeazoid in a comment wins…nothing. This ain’t the Reader’s Digest Sweepstakes here, folks. The answer will be revealed in an upcoming feature.
Pre-Computer Lawyer Soldiers On
Sometimes I like to talk about the old days with my friend, attorney Geary Kull. Just the other day, he was showing me his home video of a velociraptor taking on a pterosaur. Geary tells me that the Cretaceous was one wild and crazy time!
Anyway, I was walking past his office the other day when I saw him doing something shocking. Could it really be? Here’s the video…
done
Guitar Hero Losers
About the most popular game out there right now is Guitar Hero (versions I, II, III, and maybe more I haven’t heard about). In Guitar Hero, you play a vaguely guitar-shaped peripheral along with actual music. It’s sort of air guitar for the imaginatively challenged.
Members of The Least Generation spend hours and hours pressing little buttons and such to follow along in the game. After all those hours, they come away not with any ability to play the guitar, but with the absolutely useless ability to press buttons in a certain way. Why not buy a cheap guitar and spend that time actually learning how to play? Or why not have a guitar game that teaches real guitar in the course of game play?
Maybe they should make a guitar that you play only with your thumbs. Then we’d have a generation of virtuosos.
All Over for HD-DVD
The high-definition DVD war is over. In fact, it’s been over for some time. With both Netflix and Walmart announcing that they’re going exclusively with Blu-ray, HD-DVD is done. The fact is, this outcome is a good one. Blu-ray is technologically superior. As prices come down, it will soon become well worth it to pick up that hi-def DVD player. They all play regular DVDs just fine, too.
