Reason Number 623 To Not Bother With The Olympics

A lot of the the other reasons are more serious — you know, the way the Chinese treat their people and all that — but a good reason to not bother with the Olympics is the sheer triviality of so many of the events.  About a third of the Chinese medals have been won in the 3 and 10-meter tandem diving events.  Who the hell cares?  How many tandem divers are competing in the world?  Fifteen?  Oops…I guess it would have to be sixteen.

Even worse, they’re giving out medals in 10-meter air-rifle shooting.  What’s next?  Slingshotting?  Rockem Sockem Robots?  That little football game you play with folded-up paper on your desk?  This is absurd.  Look at this picture of the winner, Abhinav Bindra of India:

I believe he has been assimilated.

Several Hundred Sober At Cellular Field

The other night I went to U.S. Cellular Field to see the White Sox play the Indians. It’s a very convenient bus ride from home. I did kind of take the wrong bus back, but that’s a different story.

I was to rendezvous with my friends at “old home plate.” Old home plate is exactly that — a marker right where home plate was located at Comiskey Park. After asking a few people, I eventually found it.

People were fascinated with the old home plate. Lots of them, including me, stepped into the batter’s box and took a few pretend swings in the same spot that Babe Ruth and so many other greats did. I also noticed a lot of people stepping on home plate for luck. What superstitious fools! I made sure to step on it with my left foot, because I’m left-handed.

The park: great. The night: beautiful. The food smells: tantalizing. Even the restrooms were functional. I had a good time, but it would have been better if not for the considerable number of wasted idiots in attendance, at least in our section. It wasn’t hard to see the problem. The Sox let people tailgate in the parking lot before games, and tailgate they do. Since I was there early, I had a good chance to observe their activities. I’ve had fun tailgating at games where there was grilling going on and a few beverages consumed. In this parking lot, though, there was precious little grilling and a prodigious amount of consumption. The idea seemed to be to put down a 12-pack of Miller before even entering the stadium. I’m sure these were the same guys who, by the seventh inning, were being given the heave-ho. To be fair, it wasn’t only guys. At one point, five young women engaged in a melee and were also booted, much to the fascination of their drunken male counterparts. I saw at least fifteen people removed from the stadium in my immediate vicinity. I don’t know if this was an anomaly or the norm.

Of course, who am I to criticize? The me of today would have wanted the me of thirty years ago kicked out of just about any event we both attended. Even today, I’m not exactly an angel.

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Cubs Commemoration Completed — With A Twist

My friend Lou is a huge Cubs fan. I respect that, even though right now I’m rooting for the Cubs to lose every game because I can’t stand their general manager or especially their loathsome owner. Anyway, as sort of a good-luck charm, I created a little item of memorabilia for him.

First, I downloaded some high-resolution scans of cigarette cards (old-time baseball cards) of the most famous players on the Cubs’ 1908 world championship team (their last to date). We have Joe Tinker, Johnny Evers, and Frank Chance, the famous double-play trio. Also, I found Mordecai “Three-Finger” Brown. He was called “Three-Finger” because of an unfortunate farming accident or two that left him with — you guessed it — three fingers on his right hand. His unique hand enabled him to throw the ball with exceptional spin and movement.

Working with Microsoft Publisher, I created a little tableau of these players to fit a frame I found at the thrift store.

Here are some close-ups:

What I didn’t tell Lou is that I inserted one of Steve Bartman’s hairs between the images and the frame. Go Cubs curse! Let’s achieve that full century of failure!

By the way, thanks to Scott for pointing out the National Archive’s great collection of old baseball card images. Also, the printing was done on some excellent archival paper Scott gave me. Thanks again!

Decent For Both Sides

As a native of the the Cleveland area and long-time Chicago resident, I was naturally very interested in the trade involving both the Cavs and the Bulls.  Overall, I think it helped both teams.  Cleveland has long been desperate for people who can shoot the ball.  Well, Wally Szcerbiak certainly fits the bill.  Joe Smith is a better player right now than Drew Gooden, not that Drew didn’t have some good moments for the Cavs.  Smith is a heady veteran who doesn’t make many mistakes and plays consistently and efficiently.  Cavs fans will like him. If you look at John Hollinger’s APBRmetric analysis of NBA players, both of these guys are above average, unlike any of the players the Cavs traded.

The knock on Delonte West is his lack of speed.  He’ll fit right in with the Cavs.  I’ve never hear of Cedric Simmons.

Then, of course, there’s Ben Wallace.  Overall, he’s more washed up than the rags at a car wash.  If he condescends to actually try, he’ll give the Cavs a little interior toughness.  On a given night, he can still grab some rebounds and play some D.  On a bad night, he’s just stealing from his employer.  I hope for the Cavs that the good night outnumber the bad.

The Cavs didn’t give up anyone essential.  Gooden is an OK player.  Shannon Brown may have a future, but he didn’t have any present with the Cavs.  Larry Hughes is a whiner who didn’t fit in with the Cavs system and didn’t really seem to try.  With the Bulls and a different style of play (a little more up-tempo), maybe he’ll do better.  More than likely, some mysterious ailment will keep him on the bench most of the time, as usual.

The best aspect of the trade for the Bulls is that Tyrus Thomas and Joakim Noah will get more minutes on the court.  Thomas has been a disappointment so far, but his athleticism is terrific.  He may just need some playing time to get going.  I already like Noah.  His intensity is excellent and he snags every ball in range.  All he needs to do is learn to shoot better.  He’s already improving.  I see him as a 15-point, 10-rebound guy with a lot of good intangibles and shot-altering ability.

Most of the trades in the NBA left me shaking my head for one side or the other.  The Lakers stole Pau Gasol.  The Mavericks gave up way too much for Jason Kidd, who won’t be able to compete with any of the good point guards in the western conference.  He’s always been way overrated — about the worst shooter I’ve ever seen with a lengthy career.  Look for the Lakers to possibly go everywhere and the Mavs to go nowhere.

Go Cavs!  Later, Bulls.

Investigative Techniques of the NFL

A former Patriots video cameraman is apparently claiming that the Patriots taped the Rams’ last practice before the 2002 Super Bowl — the practice in which the Rams implemented their new red-zone plays. NFL spokesman Greg Aiello told The Associated Press on Saturday: “We were aware of the rumor months ago and looked into it. There was no evidence of it on the tapes or in the notes produced by the Patriots, and the Patriots told us it was not true.” Now, let’s look at this statement closely. “There was no evidence of it on the tapes or in the notes produced by the Patriots….” What a shocker! The Patriots were being asked to produce materials related to their 2006 taping of the Jets. Why would they voluntarily exceed the scope of that investigation and implicate themselves in a far more severe violation? My experience is that rulebreakers are a bit more likely to hide their wrongful acts than to report them to the authorities.

Of course, the NFL was also persuaded not to investigate further because “…the Patriots told us it was not true.” You know, Mr. Aiello, America’s prisons are chock full of people who denied the accusations against them. I can see how NFL traffic court would work:

Aiello: Sir, were you speeding when the police officer pulled you over?

Defendant: Why, no, I wasn’t.

Aiello: Well, there we have it! Case dismissed with our apologies.

If I were the NFL, I’d talk to the employee in question, one Matt Walsh, before slapping on any more whitewash. That is, if Congress doesn’t give him immunity from prosecution and talk to him first. If this story is true, it would be a major black eye for the NFL and could result in even more sanctions against the Patriots and Mr. Hoodie, maybe even including forfeiture of games. Before it’s over, Belichick might end up having a better record with the Browns!

Justice Served

What a great Super Bowl!  The catch by Tyree after Manning’s scramble was one of the best I’ve ever seen.  Nothing against the Patriots players, but I enjoyed seeing Bill Belichick suffer.   He looked like he’d eaten his hoodie.  I don’t think he’ll enjoy the video this time.  Maybe he’ll ask the commissioner to destroy it.

Who Says Cheaters Never Win?

As much as I’d like to pick the Giants, I have to pick the Patriots to win the Super Bowl. Without weather conditions to limit them, the Patriots have too much offense for the Giants. The Giants’ only hope is to run, run, run (and maybe twist Tom Brady’s ankle really hard). They have to control the clock and beat up on the ancient Patriots linebackers. I’m not saying that’s impossible, but it’s less than likely. Patriots, 31-17.