One great thing about blogs is that, unlike conversations, they’re written and verifiable. Thus, if the following prediction is right, I’ll look smart. If it isn’t, I’ll look silly. There can be no denials if it turns out to be the latter.
All right, here it is: I think the new movie Australia is going to be a big bomb here in the U.S. First of all, few Americans care enough about Australia to subject themselves to two hours and forty five minutes about it. I’m not saying that’s right, I’m just saying that’s so. Secondly, the plot sounds like a mish-mash of every romance movie cliche, adventure movie cliche, and preachy socio-political movie cliche ever conceived, all rolled into a big smarmy mess. Third, Nicole Kidman’s face looks so post-chemical now that I worry it will split and some giant grasshopper head or something will emerge.
Yeah, I know this director, Baz Luhrmann, is beloved by some for his last film, Moulin Rouge. However, Moulin Rouge didn’t cost $150 million to make and wasn’t expected to be a blockbuster. It did pretty well on its own terms — $57 million here in the U.S. — but that won’t cut it with Australia. This thing has to approach Titanic numbers or it’s going to be regarded as a failure. I say it’ll open big from all the hype, drop off fast, and never see the light of $100 million here. Maybe not even close.
Not that I’ve actually seen the movie or anything. Nor do I plan to. It’s just fun to speculate. Maybe in one of the many alternative endings that were reportedly shot (already looking towards that DVD, eh, Baz?), Nicole really does turn into a giant grasshopper. Now THAT would be entertainment!
