I’m a guy. A pretty low-level guy, at that. I don’t spend much time pondering bathrooms. I’m not even sure they’re that necessary. Therefore, it didn’t bother me to move into my present dwelling space, which contains one of the ugliest bathrooms this side of a shanty town. Once I fixed a few leaks and shored up some crumbling cement board behind the shower stall, I was done.
Not so Mary Ann. She’s been complaining about the bathroom forever. So what if the wallboard is installed upside down? So what if the white toilet has a green lid? That was my own idea! So what if the green upside-down flower pattern on the walls looks funny in conjunction with the beat-up 70s yellow linoleum, or if the trim wasn’t mitered and doesn’t fit together anywhere, or if the linen closet door won’t open because the vanity’s in the way? The electricity works, doesn’t it? The water runs and the toilet flushes, and that’s all I need. Maybe more than I need.
Anyway, I was looking at the Craig’s list garage sale listings on Saturday morning. To my surprise, I saw something that I knew Mary Ann would like: a black toilet and black pedestal sink. They were among the fixtures at a demolition sale in Park Ridge. For those who don’t know what a demolition sale is, it’s kind of like the Pick’n'Pull of house stuff. Before they rip down an old house to put up a new McMansion, the owners open it up and sell what they can, with the buyers responsibility for uninstalling and removing the items. Plumbing fixtures, lamps, appliances, wall units are all up for grabs. If you can agree on a price and rip it out of there, it’s yours. In a house in an affluent neighborhood, quality stuff can be had at low prices.
Mary Ann wasn’t too enthusiastic at first. We’d have to get up early on a Saturday. Second, there was no guarantee that those particular fixtures would still be there when we showed up. Third, she didn’t seem to have much confidence in my ability to remove them. I finally convinced her to go, stressing that if she liked the toilet and sink, probably no normal person would be interested in them. They might well be there for the taking.
When we showed up, the guy running the sale looked at me just like Mary Ann had. Clearly, he had no belief I could even unplug a lamp, much less uproot a toilet. There seems to be something about me that inspires people with a lack of confidence.
We hit pay dirt in the carpet-sodden, mildew-plagued basement. The toilet and sink were still there, just like in the Craig’s list picture. After again trying to convince Mary Ann and the sales guy I could do the job, I negotiated a price of $125.00 for both pieces. This might seem high for used porcelain, but they were Kohler and in great shape. Next came the down and dirty part — down on my knees in the dirty water. I won’t go into how I had to drain the bowl by wringing a rag and bailing with the top of a spray paint can. I won’t mention what I suspect people had still been doing in the toilet, even though the water was turned off. Let’s just say that the water in there was a tad warmer and less clear than regular old water. I bailed it out anyway. It takes more than that to keep me from a bargain.
All went surprisingly well — no rusted bolts, nothing broken. It wasn’t fun carrying everything up the stairs and out to the car, but by now I’m used to those shooting pains down my right leg. They’re almost like an old friend. The fun came when I looked up those models on the Internet and found out that new, that sink and toilet would have cost us close to $800.00, not to mention the price of faucets. Yes!
So now we have fixtures. Mary Ann has decided on a classic bathroom color scheme — green, purple, and black. And did I mention the unique drawer pulls she’s considering?
More on this saga as it unfolds — or folds.
